Ursula Kuiper

The painting is of my son Clayton Beugeling a hero ~ protector.
Painted shortly after we moved from Qualicum Beach and lived with the two of us in Oakbay Victoria, this was during the very hard times - living under an Oakbay police stalking restraining order, which eventually led me having to leave the country for my safety - this when Clayton was just under 16 years old and in grade 11.
His father was not physical violent towards Clayton.
Once Clayton graduated from High school, he went to study at uni in Montreal as planned. He was finally free and able to come visit his mum in the NL for a few weeks. Plus taking a Europe backpacking trip. Arrived on a complete new passport (Canadian) this time. His only passport (Dutch) since his birth, which he travelled on extensively with me internationally, had gotten ‘lost’ he explained.
We talked for days in depth, about his bottled up anger against his father.
How he could deal with it constructively, for his own sake and that he was very welcome to live with me at my house in Alkmaar. Suggesting he could finish his uni in Amsterdam, as he was reluctant to continuing his uni studies in Montreal.
Dear close NL friends-neighbours of mine, who Clayton truly took a liking to, listened and supported Clayton too. Clayton came to the decision of not taking up on the offer to live in the Netherlands, he liked living in Montreal. After some encouragement, he decided to return back and finish his studies at McGill.
Very relieved as a mother, advised him to change his major, attending uni should also be fun! Thereafter, he would go on and pursue his filming passion.
Eventually, years later and very glad for Clayton, he forgave his father and seems to have become close to him over the years. He has a strong feeling of responsibility, towards having to help raise his little brother.
During one of my visits to spent time with Clayton in BC Canada. I was asked-demanded by Clayton, to meet and support-raising his little half brother, stating this is what his father wanted.
I kindly declined this very odd and misplaced demand of Clayton. I obviously did not want to meet up with my perpetrator, whom I fled from to NL years prior.
Being my old strong physical self again, I am certainly not afraid of this person anymore.
Yet, being demanded to meet up with my perpretrator in a social context, when no apologies were personally made, its logical that I, as past domestic violence victim of this person, said no.
Informing Clayton, his little brother has his own parents to raise him and is not our job, certainly not mine.
I provided, raised, cared for and guided Clayton full-time with all my love since his birth, for he being my son.
My job and responsibility as a mother finished, once he graduated from McGill in his late twenties. Encouraging him to keep on pursuing what his soul needs, to stay regularly in touch: getting together, skype or phone-calls, as the distance of living far apart remains challenging.
Clayton and his little brother, both of them, are warmly welcome to come visit, the door is open.

I will always be thankful, for Clayton protecting me when I was attacked, this when I was mostly bedridden for 2 years with my COPD in Qualicum Beach.
However, its very unfortunate, that I was too weak physically at that time, to protect him myself!
No child should ever need to protect one of his parents against the other from domestic violence or having to witness it. I have carried that guilt for years,
as I am a protector by nature.
I was very close to my in-laws, they loved me like their own and vice versa. Mum Beugeling, the one still alive at that time, supported me fully when I took the deciscion to leave her son. She still phoned and wrote me when I had to fled to my parents in NL. Wonderful and loving people they both were.
Note to young women: I entered that marriage, being a strong athletic independent young women. Coming from an entrepreneurial immigrant family background, where in the beginning-mid of the marriage, I still was able to work outside the house. When we moved to QB Canada, Clayton’s father wanting to pursue his sales-finance management dream job- this when the systematic isolation, subtle and slowly started being implemented on all levels. The highest psychological sales techniques, which he learned very well, during courses from the US, were being put to use in our private family home life. The former teamwork-equality of the marriage, had been replaced with the old boys club attitude.
(psychological selling is acting, emotional manipulation at its best).
The patriarchy culture, thinks its ok wanting to own and/or abuse women.
I was an active activist against human inequality, and yet the patriarchy, did entered my own home. After the physical abuse started, it was time to get out.
Thankful for the strength (mind-power), that I was able to.
Therefore, ladies be aware, it can happen to any woman, once you are isolated.

When the suggestion of marriage councelling over a six year period gets laughed at and ignored- it was of utmost importance showing my son and duty as a mother- that domestic violent behavior, is not ever to be tolerated. To step out of that destructive situation.
In life, i believe you have to consistently choose for the right side, how unpopulair and how hard it might be in some moments of our life. Being disrespected and physical abused is not acceptable. Staying true and respectful to oneself, being able to look yourself in the morning with a clear conscious. Trusting i taught my son the same, that he will pass this on, in his own shape or form. There are lots of grounded men and woman.
Its now all in the past and life is beautiful.
Grateful for the TIMESUP movement, eventhough there was domestic abuse, without sexual violation.
The movement did give me the strength, to finally be able to explain the full story behind this painting, which only a few close friends know. Clayton witnessed it. Abuse is a shameful subject to talk about, you want to tuck it away.
I would not wish this to be happening to any child or mother!
***If I can protect a few people, with sharing part of my life story, than that would be good. Tip: avoid the patriarchic type, as immense healing is needed within the patriarchic system.

******* Painted in the image of a good angel with a sword
(like Arch Angel Michael), portraying Claytons courageous act at a pre-teen age against Domestic Violence. Behind our beautiful bourgeois doors, where he grew up in a household, with lots of fun times and deep love towards him, also with a father with uncontrollable anger issues against his mother.
* Clayton Beugeling Canadian, born with direct Dutch Moluccan roots.

Clayton Beugeling is brought up in a consciousness creative holistic home environment. On organic food and slow cooked meals, while in the background all genres of music were played first thing in the morning. Where on the breakfast, lunch, dinner table could be freely discussed and or debated whatever subject, wilst with respect for one another in a mannerism way. A loving easy going, caring, determined and highly senstive child. Feelings were encouraged to be openly expressed, with love and solution-based. Acceptance of people with different religions, race, sexual orientation and background. Living as child and teen in great community based neighborhoods, on the West Coast of Vancouver Island. Encouraged to try different sports, take piano lessons, theatre, art and film course(s) throughout his childhood. His edu basis was a combo of: home schooling & Maria Montessori Victoria BC, as he was naturally eager to learn at a very early age. At the age of two, Clayton playfully started to learn how to read, this through holistic educational games, which were home-made. Followed by extensive expressive playfull art activities, to encourage Clayton to explore and express his own inner voice at all times. The home library, was continually updated with children and teen literary books, which he just devoured. The small children toys educational home business I had, was a whallhalla playground to him with all these toys at arms reach.
Clayton had a profound compassion and dosis of positive enthusiasm towards others, which was detected early on at home, as well by his teachers at Willows Elementary, Qualicum Beach Elementary, Qualicum Junior High and among our social crowd. He would guide and protect special needs children or kids who were bullied.
Went on to McGill and chose to study Philosophy, Political Science, Woman Studies and Cultural Studies to support the fight against human injustice. Proud of him since his birth, trusting he will not over extend with supporting-giving-saving others, at the cost of himself.
Clayton’s personality as natural deep caring person: protector and- punk human rights activist, continues on in his work today.

Painting Size: 1.20cm x 98cm
Materials: Acrylics, Real Gold Leaf and Rice Paper on canvas.